Four Billion People
by IfUKnewUCouldNotFail
Summary: Rachel struggles with the discoveries she made while on a Vyerni, Tom helps her deal with it.


A/N: Well this worked out well for you guys, two posts in one day! Don't get used to it... ;-P I was just going through some old story ideas and realized I had left this one almost completely done, so I decided to devote a little time so it could be finished and posted for y'all. Hope you like it! Let me know! :-D

Disclaimer: I do not own Last Ship…duh… ;-)

LSLSLS

Tom found her, as predicted, in her lab. But not busy at work as he had expected. She was slumped over at her desk, head inclined and resting on her joined hands. Her eyes were squeezed tightly shut and an expression of clear emotional distress was marring her striking features. Escaped tears having dampened her red blotchy face…she had been _crying_.

Everything about that realization…and the entire state of the woman before him, seemed so contrary to the woman he thought he knew… But when he really thought about it, he realized he shouldn't really have been surprised at all.

Everyone had their limits, and if he hadn't created an image of her in his mind, as some sort of super human deity, he would have realized that she would have long since been pushed past hers… Any normal person would have been.

He was fairly sure she hadn't realized his presence yet…. as another sob…and muttered curse, passed her lips. Who or what, if indeed anything specific, she was cursing, he had no idea. There were just too many options…unfortunately.

Pondering further, he realized he should actually have been expecting this…or something similar. After their return from the Vyerni she had been holding herself and everything together much too well. Continuing on almost completely as per normal…or what had been their normal for the last five months. And while that might be the normal modus operandi for combat trained soldiers…it definitely wasn't for a civilian… one who had been forced to see _and do_ things that she shouldn't have ever had to be exposed to.

It seemed wrong to continue to watch her emotional breakdown any further… without her knowledge at least. A part of him thought that maybe he should retreat, allow her privacy to deal with her emotions, without him as an unwelcome voyeur...she was British after all. But he couldn't bring himself to take that route. It was the coward's way…and he cared about her far too much to leave her alone and in this state of distress. He spoke her name softly.

"Rachel."

Rachel jumped at the sudden pronouncement of her name…the single word probably meant as a heads up to his presence…and observation of her current extremely embarrassing emotional breakdown. As she raised her gaze to meet his…standing only a few mere few feet from her location… she briefly and naïvely hoped that he had not been standing there long enough to properly observe and make deductions as to her current state. But one look into his grave gaze gave clear evidence to the contrary. They held concern…and worry… Damn.

"Captain Chandler." She acknowledged him formally...while drying her eyes on her sleeve. Despite the almost hopeless circumstance, formality seemed the best way to proceed. Maybe she could convince him she was fine now…without him needing to interrogate her for the reasons for her distress… Which he unfortunately seemed clearly aware of. Double Damn.

"Rachel, what's wrong?"

No. Such. Luck.

"I'm fine…. There's just so much work to do…"

"Don't give me that!" He cut her off her weak protestations, his voice hard and commanding.

"You're upset…" He continued…much softer, stating the unfortunately obvious.

"I am perfectly fine, Captain…_ Really_."

Yep, she was definitely British.

Silence reigned for several moments, two eminently stubborn people eyeing each other in a unspoken battle of wills… each trying to determine if the other was likely to give in anytime soon.

The silent battle did eventually end, but without a clear victor. Though it was the Captain who first broke their short silence.

"You know what I think is wrong? You were forced to kill a man, I wish you hadn't been put in that situation, but you were. You remember I was there in that lab with you after it happened. I saw the look of shock and horror on your face, I held your shaking hand... _Rachel, you did what you had to do_…it was him or you…him or all of us. You did the right thing. But it will take time to process…I know it has to be difficult for you."

"It isn't that…" She murmured…she really didn't want to have this conversation yet. Her thoughts were still so disjointed and tumultuous. She thought time would provide her with clarity, but it seemed her thoughts were only getting more murky and depressed everyday.

"It's not?" His voice held interest, concern…but only skepticism. Well, he wasn't completely wrong.

"Well, it's not just that…" She admitted.

"Then what?" His tone was not overly hard, but it was decisive in nature, not easily inviting debate. Rachel thought he looked even more determined now than usual. More so than when dealing with terrorists, rouge Admirals with nukes, and lets not forget one gun-wielding idiot, that she also called one of her oldest fiends.

She was so screwed.

In a deflated voice she began to explain.

"Captain, from the very beginning I knew the plan was to eliminate the Vyerni…some of the plan to accomplish exactly that was actually _my plan_…and I was well aware that executing our plan meant extinguishing every single life onboard that ship… I freely consented to be an integral part of the plan that accomplished just that end. So, I don't really feel like I contributed to their death's any less or more than the Officer I shot myself."

Tom thought_ that_ that the _least_ reassuring reassurance he had ever heard in his life… If she was actually saying that it was her part in the deaths of over 300 people that she was struggling with, instead of just the one she had been forced to kill personally.

Not really knowing what she was grappling with exactly, but feeling a strong motivation to comfort her somehow, he went with a blanket reassurance.

"You did the right thing…"

"I know that." Her answer came quickly, in a rather glum but resolute manner.

"You do?" He was surprised.

"Yes, of course. Don't get me wrong, the death's of Ruskov's crew were unfortunate…something that _can't_ be said for Ruskov himself…but eliminating the threat that he and his ship posed to us and our mission was an absolute imperative… Virtually any price not too high to pay for it…given what's at stake. No, as far as I am concerned Ruskov killed his own crew when he lead them down that path…and I think some of the blame goes to the crew themselves…especially the officers…for not stopping him themselves. They were in a much better position to do so than us. And if they could tell the different between right and wrong...sanity and madness…it should have been an easy choice. Regardless of any military oaths they had taken."

Tom considered her words…she wasn't wrong…though he had witnessed first hand the psychological control Ruskov held over his crew. Add to that the fact that none of them exactly came across as saints, even independent of their Captain…and he could completely see how a mutiny _did not_ occur.

If Tom could believe his resident scientist's assurances…which he _thought_ he could…for the most part at least, that still left the real reason for her current distress unknown.

"What is it then?"

"It's Sorenson." She admitted quietly after a moment's pause. A pause in which it was clear she was lost in the storm swirling behind her eyes.

"Ruskov's scientist?" Tom knew who he was…the basics at least, but he wasn't sure where he fitted into this or how he had upset Rachel so badly. Apparently upset her _more _than the lives she felt responsible for taking…

"Hmm." It was more of a murmured grumble than an actual answer, but he supposed it served its purpose as a confirmation. Looking at her, it was clear she was only partially with him right now. Clearly that emotional storm raging inside her was still taking a large portion of her attention away from him and their conversation.

"What about him?" He prompted. He felt it was necessary to draw her attention outward. Partially so she would talk to him, but also partially so she would not converse with the demons that seemed to be haunting her waking hours. It seemed to work, for the first time in a while, she looked directly at him and seemed to be really seeing him…undistracted this time.

"I had met him before…or at least he said _he_ had met _me_ before… I still don't remember. Apparently I shook his _hand_…"

She said the last part with resolute disgust evident in her voice and facial expression…as if just thinking of the man caused a truly horrible taste to enter her mouth.

He watched her take a deep steadying breath…and eye him somewhat nervously…that little mannerism caught his attention easily…and confused him greatly. He waited for her to be ready to continue on her own, he didn't want to derail her current thought process…or her apparent return to her external reality, but he _did_ want to know what was behind that look.

Rachel drew herself out of the tumultuously painful knowledge that had been her cross to bear and hers alone for the last few days. Even a few days was a long time given the magnitude of the knowledge she alone had become privy too. She knew she had to tell him…to tell everyone, eventually…but that certainty didn't make the act any easier. Not at all.

Well, the time has clearly come now. She had no more choices now, no more opportunities to dwell and procrastinate…perhaps that was a good thing. Left to her own devices she could have dwelt on the knowledge alone, for far longer that what anyone was likely to call healthy.

The Captain had chosen this time, and there was no way he would be deterred from it…so now it was. Everything she had to say held a high likelihood of bringing out his rath…but the first thing she had to say held a high likelihood of bringing out rath…_that was directed at_ _her_. But she had no choice, she had no one to blame for her silence but her. Taking a deep breath she proceeded, somewhat nervously.

"Captain, I'm afraid I have to confess I left some things out of my account of the mission…the times I was alone with Ruscov and his people…specifically when I was alone with _Sorenson_."

Again, she practically spat the last word, disgust lacing her tone. She proceeded hurriedly in her explanation…_admission_…quite deliberately, she wanted to have the chance to more thoroughly explain before giving him the chance to respond…or chastise.

"I can assure you, Captain, the information I omitted, though admittedly massive, is in no way immediately relevant to our continuing mission…and I certainly had no intention of permanently keeping this knowledge to myself… I just quite truthfully didn't have the slightest clue how to put this particular horrific act of idiocy into words…still don't really…but I suppose I have to give it a shot now..." She finished quietly, looking up at him nervously.

"You do." Two words were his rejoining confirmation, spoken almost completely without inflection. The man not giving anything away as to _his_ current thought process…whereas she couldn't stop herself from broadcasting like a beacon. It was infuriating.

Eyeing him closely, Rachel thought he seemed calm… quite possibly_ too calm_. Frankly she couldn't tell if he was angry about her yet unknown omittance or amused about her current pin-balling emotional state…it certainly wasn't a condition he usually saw her in…because it usually wasn't a condition she was in at all!

"I do apologize, for this… I know it is not how you do things…how you prefer things to be done…You thought that with the debrief this was all over for now. But I just couldn't even bring myself to say it…not with everything else that had just happened and I suppose you are right I was struggling a bit with what I did…but…"

"Just tell me, Rachel…it seems to me, that keeping whatever this is to yourself hasn't been helping you much."

It was nice that the caring man he was, focused on her wellbeing first…but she knew a full and complete explanation needed to be quickly forthcoming, or the no nonsense Commander in him would be apt to come out and demand one.

"When you came and got me out of that lab…apart from maybe wondering how someone supposedly dedicated to saving lives could so easily take one like that…did you wonder why _both_ Sorenson and the Russian officer were inside the plastic without suits?"

So she _was_ having some trouble reconciling what she had done in order save him. He would have to deal with that, he certainly wasn't going to let her continue to believe herself a bad person as a result of a selfless act of heroism that had saved them all, that was incorrect thinking and he would have to correct it...

"I didn't think any such thing, Rachel, and I'm sure none of our men did either… but to answer your question, no, I didn't really stop long enough to consider it. We were in a bit of a hurry, and quite honestly my focus was squarely on you, your state then, and getting you out of there unharmed. But now that you mention it, why wasn't he wearing a suit? You said Ruskov had forced one of his Officers to be the first to test the vaccine…not a surprising move, considering some of his other moves…But wouldn't this Sorenson have been infected too? Being in there with him without a suit?"

"He didn't need to worry about that, hasn't needed to worry about that for months actually."

Rachel thought that there just wasn't a strong enough word! The human race…_if it survived_…was going to have to come up with a new word for the devastating act of arrogance and idiocy that man committed!

"Rachel, tell me what this is about…tell me why you're so upset, please."

He was still being so gentle with her, despite the fact that he must be so frustrated with her.

"Sorenson did it, he created the super virus." She admitted reluctantly…her words softly spoken into her hands. But he heard them.

_"__Deliberately?!"_ To say he was shocked was putting it mildly.

She took a deep breath and looked back at the Captain, both kindly and sadly…

"It was supposedly an accident but that in itself is absolutely mind boggling to me, and probably every other scientist left alive as well… That one of us, could be smart enough to be able to do what Sorenson did….and at the exact same time so utterly stupid as to actually do it! And do it under uncontrolled conditions! Without even a thought that this could be a likely result…it's just…there are no words! It's the viral equivalent of setting off a nuclear warhead to see 'what happens' without so much as thinking that_ just_ _maybe_ total devastation will be 'what happens'." She wasn't exaggerating, Sorenson really had been _that_ stupid. She couldn't stop herself from continuing in her rant now she had started.

"What that man did was not a true experiment in any sense of the word. The likely outcome of it was not unknown…it was very much _known_ …and it was bad! It wasn't even that something like what he did hadn't been tried before…_it had been_…that was how the rest of the scientific community had known it was such a monumentally bad idea…and why I never even considered this as a possibility for how the virus could have gained its human gene…it was just to_ stupid _to consider!" She was getting frustrated. At this point, Rachel almost wished the Captain would interrupt her, but he was letting her ramble on, impart the necessary facts in her overly passionate manner. Well, she would oblige.

"The original experiment into this technique was done by scientists in Sydney trying to make a vaccine for mouse pox…the experiment was a complete failure that ended with devastating results….**_but_**…now here is the important part….**_controlled devastating results_**. The experiment was held under controlled conditions, as any experiment, let alone any particularly volatile or unknown one, should be." Now this was truly the crux of the matter. This was the part that eliminated the slightest notion that this 'event' was caused by an 'error' that belonged in an area of the grey spectrum. The abdominal level of Sorenson's misdeeds had long since crossed the line from any discernable shade of grey.

"The truly_**incomprehensible**_ part of all this…is the Sorenson skipped that step… Not only did he engage in an experiment that involved injected himself with the most deadly virus known to mankind…by use of a technique that had previously failed so completely…he did it without so much as a single quarantine safeguard in place. The virus didn't just escape his lab…_he never made any effort to contain it!_ As far as I can tell, he did the experiment, assumed, against tremendous odds to the contrary, that it had been a complete and total success, with no side effects…_without checking_… And then he walked straight out of his lab into populated areas and became both the creator and patient zero to the new deadliest virus known to man. And you know what's worse?"

_"__It gets__** worse**__?" _How did something like what she had just told him get _worse_? Where the hell was there to go? He didn't have to ask the question long before she continued.

"He didn't show or offer even the _slightest_ bit of genuine remorse for what he had done…or remorse at all for that matter! He acted as if this was all a small and completely justifiable 'oops moment'. Like breaking a beaker in a lab or something…as soon as it could all be cleaned up…problem solved. The man single handedly caused the deaths of **_four billion people_** and he had the nerve to act like I was overreacting…like _over_reacting to something like that is even possible! I suppose that shouldn't have surprise me actually. He would have needed to be completely lacking in any measure of moral fiber to be able to act with the absolute recklessness he did to start with!" God, just thinking about the man still man her so angry…she couldn't honestly foresee a day when that wouldn't be the case…

"And you know what else? You know what he said? He said I wasn't '_allowed to do it without him'_. That was what he said when I told him I had already created the vaccine…that was the real reason he had made Ruskov so intent on getting his hands on _me _specifically, as well as the primordial stain of the virus. He didn't want my help! He wanted to remove me from his very limited field of competition…or at least be in a better position to steel credit if I did prove useful! Like I said, he had convinced himself that all was going to be fixed and forgiven when his little mess was cleaned up and he was perfectly willing to cause even more deaths to ensure that he was the one to get credit for cleaning it up! And you know what else? _What_ _I simply can't believe_?"

"I'm sure your going to tell me." Tom knew his responses were pretty superfluous at this point…she just needed to talk…_to vent_…to get it all out of her system. He could certainly understand why…it was _a lot_ to keep in. And it was certainly the case that her words had an _extremely enlightening_ and _extremely enraging_ quality to them.

"That man was absolutely _nowhere close_ to developing a vaccine! He wasn't even heading in the right direction. I mean, I know he didn't have the primordial but he still thought that was what was needed. He still thought that would work! I mean I know_ I_ originally thought that would work, and I _still believe_ it would have on the original virus. But what information I lacked was how significantly the virus had been changed from its original form… Information he was damn well aware of because he was the damn one that changed the thing! It should have been obvious to him, that that path was no longer the key to solving this! But what did he do instead? Get wind of the fact that I was chasing birds up in the arctic, copied that idea because he had absolutely none of his own…and had his Admiral pal chase around the globe…costing millions more lives everyday!" Yeah, delving into the nitty gritty of why she was so pissed was not helping her become less pissed…quite the opposite actually… She was absolutely enraged.

"The pair of them made this disaster so much worse… and that's even without counting Sorenson's rather epic act of stupidity that created the super virus to start with! You offered Ruskov a genuine sample of the primordial virus all the way back in Guantanamo…and Sorensen _knew,_ or at least he believed…that that was all he needed…the only reason he was so damn persistent in wanting me as part of the bargain was to get me out of the way… because, you know, you _just can't_ have too many people trying to save the world when you're an egocentric maniacal maniac!"

Looking at Rachel now, it appeared that she had just about run out of steam by the end that last tirading outburst. As yet, she was not looking like she was feeling a whole lot better about circumstances, but he hoped it time the phrase, _better out then in_, would prove correct. He was certainly feeling a more complete awareness of circumstances himself…and feeling the corresponding anger that came with awareness of other's misdeeds…particularly when so extreme in nature. Though, there were still a few things he did not completely understand… He spoke casually, conversationally… He did not want to upset her further, he felt showing his true rage would only reignite hers.

"You know when I was first brought face to face with Ruskov after being captured, he was gloating relentlessly, about anything and everything…he was truly enjoying the moment. But one thing he kept going on about was how stupid it was for me to lead such an _insignificant mission_ to rescue _some poor island girl_. The clear insinuation being that it was both stupid to lead the mission_ and order it to start with_. Thing is, I really don't think it crossed the old bastards mind for a moment that the mission we were captured on _was _a significant one or that Bertrise was not just 'some island girl'. That confuses me, honestly. We_ know_ the Russian heard Bertrise's distress call, we know they heard that her whole ship was dead and she was still alive and well, it was how they were able to find us after all… and no one on that ship so much as suspected that she could be immune or how valuable that could potentially be? That ship was supposed to be dedicated to finding a vaccine too…if for somewhat less altruistic reasons…how could they have missed something like that?"

He was a smart man, their Captain. Obviously, she knew he could never have attained the position he now held, if he were not. But there was still that perception with soldiers, that they were more brawn than brains. And while looking at him…she took a deep steadying breath…it was impossible to deny that the brawn aspect was very much present and accounted for…he had just as much going for him in the way of brains too. The complete package, as they say. But such thoughts were distracting…and pointless. Rachel deliberately averted her eyes _away_ from his biceps, before replying to the object of her forbidden and ill-timed lust.

"I imagine they missed it because Sorenson never made them aware of the fact that it was even a possibility. I'm telling you, that man was utterly deaf and ignorant to any potential methods of curing this plague that didn't involve him being the complete and total savior of the universe… steeling my work and the primordial sample from the birds, he could apparently handle just fine…finding the answer _literally_ in another person…I highly doubt he could."

Tom shook his head in displeasure at the facts as they lay before him now. The man had truly been despicable...both of them actually.

"Well, they're both dead now…" It was something, the best he could offer off the top of his head in conciliation right now.

"Yes… about the only silver lining in all this..." Her mood was hardly rosy either.

After a moment of mutual contemplative silence, Rachel spared the Captain a nervous glance. She had to ask…

"So you're not angry with me?"

Silence. He was looking at her strangely…

"That's a big question. But after our previous conversation, I assume you're asking if I'm angry with you about not telling me about Sorenson sooner?"

She just nodded.

"No, I'm not angry with you for that." He stated plainly, but did not continue.

He did not state the reasons why he was not angry, and he didn't state reasons why he might still be angry…about something else. Something else _she_ had done. Well, as she considered that, she felt that given recent events, whatever it was that he felt she had done wrong, most likely still involved the Vyerni. That left a few key possibilities, most particularly…her presence on that ship to start with…and _that_ kiss.

They still hadn't talked about any of that. They _had_ both been busy in the last few days. In her case, one of the many activities that kept her busy was _deliberately avoiding him_, or at least being alone with him. She knew the reason this conversation had happened now, was that this was the first time he had cornered her alone since they got back.

Damn Quincy for wanting to be with his newly returned family, he should be here acting as he personal emotional defense shield and chaperone, as always. She knew that was a harsh thought, but she had only said it in her head, so it was ok. In reality she was of course glad that her good friend had his family back, of course she was…even if she was also _very jealous_…

"So you understand why I didn't say anything right away?" She clarified cautiously.

Tom eyed her and her wary manner. She was clearly waiting for the other shoe to drop…and was fully expecting him to be the one to drop it.

"I can understand why what you learned, was so confronting for you personally, and I can understand that it could take time to process something like that…I think _I _still am."

She nodded then…she_ did_ absolutely know how he felt.

"However." His voice hardened.

"However…?" She queried carefully.

"This is not the first secret you have deliberately kept from me, is it?"

"No." She admitted quietly…guiltily.

"And it's not the first really big secret you have kept from me either…"

"No..." She repeated.

His voice softened. "I would like it to be the last, Rachel. _Our last secret_."

He hadn't either spoken it or phrased it as a question, but looking at him now, it was clear it was something he wanted her to put her oath too. She took a deep breath. She could do that. She could.

She had kept the first secret out of both orders and uncertainty in the man he was. Now, there was no higher power but him to _try _and order her to do anything. And she had come to know the man enough to have trust in him also.

The second secret she had kept for more selfish reasons, and he had been understanding about that…but she needed to be less selfish and afraid in future. They could have had this conservation a lot sooner. It had been her that had been avoiding it. Who knows, maybe it would even have helped to have someone to talk to sooner. Yes, having someone like him to talk too would be very nice. Having some like him to report too, less nice… The problem was, she thought they were somewhere in the middle of those two circumstances…and that was a confusing and unclear place to subsist.

But in any event, moving forward in their strange limbo relationship with an agreement to keep total honesty as paramount between them, didn't seem like a bad plan. Certain aspects of complete honesty,_ especially in regards to her unsolicited feelings for him_, were an eminently scary thought. But given that he was a happily married man, she felt it extremely unlikely he would even call her on anything…even if he did embarrassingly catch on. So she felt fairly save to make this assurance.

"I promise, Tom, no more secrets."

THE END/TBC?

A/N: I hope everyone did like this. I am undecided if or by how much I will continue this one. I am strongly considering a second part and I do already have a bit down. Though I did originally only intend for this to be a short little scene tag…but I will see how I feel, and of course see what you all think. Sometimes I find it difficult to know where to stop, but I know that I can't turn all my ideas into long multi chaps, there simply are not enough hours in the day! Reviews would be greatly appreciated; even a few lines can make my day. :-)


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